The American Memorial Day holiday used to simply mean the beginning of summer to me. This US holiday (formerly "Decoration Day") came about after the Civil War as a day to decorate the graves of those who died at war. When I came to this country, I quickly learned that to most Americans, summer officially starts with Memorial Day, the last Monday in May, and ends with Labor Day, the first Monday in September. If I asked wasn't Labour Day on the 1st of May, I was told "well, that's communist!" -- few Americans know that May Day (a.k.a. International Workers Day) is the commemoration of the 1886 Haymarket affair in Chicago.
But I digress. To me, Memorial Day is no longer merely the beginning of the summer camping season. Exactly a year ago, a young friend of our family tragically died in an alcohol-related incident on a Memorial Day camping trip. Fletcher and my son had met and become best friends in Kindergarten when we first moved here some 13 years ago. After Kindergarten, the two boys went to different schools, but continued their friendship -- although gradually drifting apart over time. This May, Fletcher would have graduated from High School.
I cannot approach to understand what grief his parents must be feeling every single day since that tragic day. We were on our annual Memorial Day weekend camping trip when we heard the news a year ago. In fact, we were at Summit Lake, the same spot we had once spent a wonderful weekend camping together with Fletcher's family 10 years ago.
I have fond memories from that trip: the weather was amazingly sunny (it was actually hot, well maybe it reached 80F that day)-- the kids even went splashing in the lake! Fletcher and Wulfi were playing at our campsite "climbing" young spruce trees until they completely bent over: the boys would disappear and the tree bounce back! The two of them could keep themselves occupied for hours with imaginary play, and they were mostly pretty good about including "little" sis in their games. I remember how Wulfi and Fletcher would make their own swords, bows and arrows (sometimes even appropriating bamboo poles from my gardening supply). I also sewed quite a few props for their games back then: capes, quivers, and sheaves for their wooden swords...
Now that innocent age seems long gone. I'm just filled with sorrow when I reflect on how Fletcher's parents don't get to see their son grown and go off into the world. All they have left now are memories. I wish I wasn't at such a loss on how to reach out to them on this anniversary of his death -- I know it's difficult for them to be around our family when our children are such painful reminders of their loss.
God bless Fletcher's family on this Memorial Day.
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Taking care of friendships
There is a German expression: "Freudschaften pflegen" which translates loosely to taking care of friendships. But the word pflegen (=caring) implies a level of care that is more along the line of nursing or even healing. And indeed, Germans do treat friendships very differently from mere acquaintances ("Bekanntschaft" in German).
Blogger Amiexpat wrote recently about making friends in Germany, and I found the discussion very interesting. Americans are quick to make friends while Germans take it very slow and steady -- it often takes years before they decide to use first names and use "Du" instead of the formal "Sie". It is also true in both countries that as we get older we have a more difficult time making friends -- for some people in both the US and Germany, the only close friendships are those made in school/university years. I think that is sad: especially given how much more mobile society is becoming, many become lonelier as friends move away or pass on.
I have not always been good in the "Freundschaft pflegen" department: not only have I moved a lot, but have not been the best at correspondence or picking up the phone. Facebook has helped me (and many others) reconnect with old friends who we've lost touch with -- but Facebook per se is no substitute for friendships, but only a first step in re-connecting.
Yesterday I had the wonderful opportunity to spend a day with an old highschool friend from the Philippines. We had found each other on Facebook after some 30-odd years, and since she lives in Belgium now, we we able to meet up during my Germany visit. It was GREAT-- we found that we had a great deal in common (besides our gray hair we both refuse to dye). Sometimes old friends grow apart over time (becoming fundamentalist Christians, greedy businessmen/women, or even Tea Party Republicans) -- but luckily my friend is none of those!
And now I've got some serious Belgian chocolate to haul back in my suitcase. Thanks Meg!
Blogger Amiexpat wrote recently about making friends in Germany, and I found the discussion very interesting. Americans are quick to make friends while Germans take it very slow and steady -- it often takes years before they decide to use first names and use "Du" instead of the formal "Sie". It is also true in both countries that as we get older we have a more difficult time making friends -- for some people in both the US and Germany, the only close friendships are those made in school/university years. I think that is sad: especially given how much more mobile society is becoming, many become lonelier as friends move away or pass on.
I have not always been good in the "Freundschaft pflegen" department: not only have I moved a lot, but have not been the best at correspondence or picking up the phone. Facebook has helped me (and many others) reconnect with old friends who we've lost touch with -- but Facebook per se is no substitute for friendships, but only a first step in re-connecting.
Yesterday I had the wonderful opportunity to spend a day with an old highschool friend from the Philippines. We had found each other on Facebook after some 30-odd years, and since she lives in Belgium now, we we able to meet up during my Germany visit. It was GREAT-- we found that we had a great deal in common (besides our gray hair we both refuse to dye). Sometimes old friends grow apart over time (becoming fundamentalist Christians, greedy businessmen/women, or even Tea Party Republicans) -- but luckily my friend is none of those!
And now I've got some serious Belgian chocolate to haul back in my suitcase. Thanks Meg!
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Visiting the "Former Alaskans" in Lake Tahoe
Ok, our friends who moved away from Alaska are not exactly IN Lake Tahoe (brrrrr!) -- they live in the town of South Lake Tahoe. It's situated on the South shore of the famous clear blue lake that straddles the Nevada-California border. Tahoe is the largest alpine lake in North America -- impressively beautiful!
Mike and Patty had moved to Alaska as newly-weds about a decade ago, built a beautiful log home in our valley here, and had 3 lovely children. Our youngest became friends with their oldest in Kindergarten, and we moms hit it off right away -- quilting, knitting, gardening, hiking, etc... But sadly for me, they decided to leave Alaska 2 years ago and move back to where they grew up, to be closer to their own families.
Sooo, we made good on our promise (threat?) to visit them in their new home, and for our mid-winter vacation we flew to Nevada right after the New Year. Our eldest daughter from college joined us in Reno, where we first spent 2 days at a Nevada ranch to decompress.
On the third day, we rose again -- and climbed up the road to the land of Milk & Honey/ condos & casinos/ ski-lifts & jetboats. It dawns on me just how much of a country bumpkin I am -- I've rarely seen such a display of expensive real estate as there is on the shore of that lake! WOW, if those mansions are "second homes", then what do the "first" homes look like?
But on to our friends, who're doing a wonderful job of raising their children in this land of contrasts.
We descended on their house, and doubled the # of inhabitants from 5 to 10! It was great to catch up, and the kids seemed to pick up right where they left off 2 years ago -- legos and chasing each other thru the house... The youngest, nicknamed Baby Zilla, was only a year old when they left Alaska. She eyed us a little suspiciously at first, but warmed right up to us -- she melted my heart when she dragged out the baby quilt I had made when she was born, and said "You made this for me!"
Feasts were cooked, long breakfasts lingered over, hot tubs soaked in and and sights seen. Patty and Eldest hit the slopes one day while we took the kids to the Nevada Beach -- there was a brisk wind, but our gaggle of kids had fun burying Liesl in the sand. Only Alaskans would play at the beach on such a cool day! But we loved the sunshine we got there EVERY day!!!
We had a great time, and our friends were wonderful hosts. We did move into a vacation-rental that opened up on the third day there (there's that old saying "Guests are like fish -- on the third day they begin to stink") -- we felt VERY welcome, but realized how big an impact it is to host a whole family! Plus, Peter's sister and husband flew in to join us for the remaining days. It was wonderful to see them.
It is amazing how difficult it can be for a LARGE group of people on vacation to get going anywhere -- just deciding on where/what to eat took a while, let alone organizing an outing!
We did drive around the lake one of the days with just the adults -- at that point it seemed easier to just let the kids stay home and play! I'm sure our friends breathed a big sigh of relief when we were gone and their lives returned to normal.
I think the visit was hardest on Eldest. She is now used to living her own life at college, and not used to having to be part of a family, let alone two and a half. It seems to me that she had a very hard time being flexible, which showed itself in how critical she was of her siblings and parents -- I was probably just as hard to take when I visited Germany during college (sorry Mutti & Papi!).
On top of all that rubbed her the wrong way, Eldest got news that her paternal grandmother died in Florida (my ex's mom) -- it was really a damper on the end of the vacation! But our family did pull through it all, and we're all still talking (of course)! We're looking forward to her moving back to Alaska after she graduates, but realize how much she needs her own place and be in charge of her own life...
Here's a picture of Eldest holding Baby Zilla (dare I point out how good she looks with a child on her arm?!? -- hush). I have more pictures of Tahoe to share, but that will need to wait until another post...
Mike and Patty had moved to Alaska as newly-weds about a decade ago, built a beautiful log home in our valley here, and had 3 lovely children. Our youngest became friends with their oldest in Kindergarten, and we moms hit it off right away -- quilting, knitting, gardening, hiking, etc... But sadly for me, they decided to leave Alaska 2 years ago and move back to where they grew up, to be closer to their own families.
Sooo, we made good on our promise (threat?) to visit them in their new home, and for our mid-winter vacation we flew to Nevada right after the New Year. Our eldest daughter from college joined us in Reno, where we first spent 2 days at a Nevada ranch to decompress.
On the third day, we rose again -- and climbed up the road to the land of Milk & Honey/ condos & casinos/ ski-lifts & jetboats. It dawns on me just how much of a country bumpkin I am -- I've rarely seen such a display of expensive real estate as there is on the shore of that lake! WOW, if those mansions are "second homes", then what do the "first" homes look like?
But on to our friends, who're doing a wonderful job of raising their children in this land of contrasts.
We descended on their house, and doubled the # of inhabitants from 5 to 10! It was great to catch up, and the kids seemed to pick up right where they left off 2 years ago -- legos and chasing each other thru the house... The youngest, nicknamed Baby Zilla, was only a year old when they left Alaska. She eyed us a little suspiciously at first, but warmed right up to us -- she melted my heart when she dragged out the baby quilt I had made when she was born, and said "You made this for me!"
Feasts were cooked, long breakfasts lingered over, hot tubs soaked in and and sights seen. Patty and Eldest hit the slopes one day while we took the kids to the Nevada Beach -- there was a brisk wind, but our gaggle of kids had fun burying Liesl in the sand. Only Alaskans would play at the beach on such a cool day! But we loved the sunshine we got there EVERY day!!!
We had a great time, and our friends were wonderful hosts. We did move into a vacation-rental that opened up on the third day there (there's that old saying "Guests are like fish -- on the third day they begin to stink") -- we felt VERY welcome, but realized how big an impact it is to host a whole family! Plus, Peter's sister and husband flew in to join us for the remaining days. It was wonderful to see them.
It is amazing how difficult it can be for a LARGE group of people on vacation to get going anywhere -- just deciding on where/what to eat took a while, let alone organizing an outing!
We did drive around the lake one of the days with just the adults -- at that point it seemed easier to just let the kids stay home and play! I'm sure our friends breathed a big sigh of relief when we were gone and their lives returned to normal.
I think the visit was hardest on Eldest. She is now used to living her own life at college, and not used to having to be part of a family, let alone two and a half. It seems to me that she had a very hard time being flexible, which showed itself in how critical she was of her siblings and parents -- I was probably just as hard to take when I visited Germany during college (sorry Mutti & Papi!).
On top of all that rubbed her the wrong way, Eldest got news that her paternal grandmother died in Florida (my ex's mom) -- it was really a damper on the end of the vacation! But our family did pull through it all, and we're all still talking (of course)! We're looking forward to her moving back to Alaska after she graduates, but realize how much she needs her own place and be in charge of her own life...
Here's a picture of Eldest holding Baby Zilla (dare I point out how good she looks with a child on her arm?!? -- hush). I have more pictures of Tahoe to share, but that will need to wait until another post...
Friday, November 14, 2008
Portland girlfriend get-together
On my 48th Birthday, I got to fly to Portland, Oregon for a conference. What a beautiful city, even in the rain!
My good friend Patty (a former Alaskan who, sadly, moved away) flew out to Portland to meet me. We were planning to go shopping, eat out, and just enjoy some kid-free girlfriend time! Did I mention SHOPPING? But the best-layed plans... go oft astray!
She arrived ok, but with a very nasty flu she caught from her daughter -- so poor Patty spend much of the 3 days in bed, with a Kleenex box and coughdrops on the nightstand.
You know a woman is seriously sick when she's within a few minutes walk of GREAT shopping, with a Nordstrom gift certificate burning a hole in her pocket, and never even went to the mall! At least the hotel sheets and pillows were nice and luxurious.
..But we still had a wonderful time just visiting, catching up, knitting, laughing, and making plans for our New Year get-together with the whole kit-n-caboodle.
During the days I'd be off to the conference, which I greatly enjoyed, and in the evening we'd venture down the elevator to the restaurant in the hotel lobby, and enjoy dinner and margaritas!
Then back to bed for Patty, and with the coughing getting worse, I ventured out to the mall in search of some nighttime cough syrup. And oddly enough, I was spotted during this outing by none other that the Prof's ex-wife, who happened to be on business in Portland at the same time! She wasn't sure it really was me, so she emailed the Prof asking, by any chance, did I really just see your wife in Portland?
By the next afte
rnoon, the sun was shining and Patty was feeling better, plus we had to check out of the hotel. So across the bridge we went to explore Old Town. In Chinatown we were eating Dim Sum for lunch when I got a call from above-mentioned Wife #1. How funny is that? Was I not only in Chinatown, but stuck in an Amy Tan novel? The prof had received an email, and confirmed that Wife #2 was in Portland indeed, and gave her my cell phone number (Don't worry, the ex-es are all on good terms). It did not work out to get together though, as there was not much time before Patty and I needed to head to the airport...
Next we explored the amazingly fun Pearl District (a world of books at Powell's, yummy desserts at Whole Foods, and scrumptious yarns at knitting stores), and bought a few fun chinese trinkets for the ki
ds back home, then headed to the Airport, with Patty starting to feel worse again. And then -- can you believe it? -- her flight home is CANCELLED! We kept asking "Is there a deeper meaning here -- was this bad luck meant to be?" Maybe the credit card gods were called in by our respective husbands' prayers...?!?! We didn't end up buying any clothes, fabric or wool -- and that's unprecedented for a girlfriend get-together.Perhaps the cancelled flight was a good turn too: instead of an exhausting late-night flight & 2 hr drive home past midnight, she got to rest in a hotel (provided by the airlines), and finish her trip the next day, rested and a little better (by babysteps). Patty still got home in time to celebrate her son's 11th birthday! And even though no serious shopping got done in Portland, I do hope that she got the recuperative R&R she needed before she had to re-enter her busy family life.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
What's a few extra children...?
It's been a full house!
Haven't reported since Halloween, because that's when we started a new adventure on parenting: 2 extra kids for 5 days and 5 nights, which doubled the domestic kid count. Our friends over at Mountainpulse took a trip to NYC, getting some well-deserved kid-free time.
The youngest, Little One, is a precocious 4-year old, and the oldest, a beautiful teen, is a year younger than our Wolfman. Wolfman and Little One share a special bond: she was born on his 10th Birthday, which they've always celebrated together!
Things went amazingly smoothly -- these kids have known each other since we moved here eight years ago. They got along very well the whole time, playing, goofing, helping with chores and homework. On Sunday they were all 4 helping unload firewood from the truck, and even Little One worked hard right along with big kids, pulling her sled loaded with a few pieces of wood -- she was so proud of herself!
Election Day was very exciting around here -- the mood was most jubilant! We were listening to results on the radio (we don't do commercial TV), while the younger set stayed glued to results coming in over the internet. By the time Little One had taken her bath and we were ready for bed, McCain had conceded and we listened to Obama's speech on the radio, all piled in our big bed.
During the night, Little One got sick, and (you guessed it) started throwing up... Barfing...Tossing her biscuits... Hurling... Ralphing... Chucking chunder...the only thing unchundered was her favorite stuffed animal, Lambi! (Don't worry, no pictures)
By the next evening her older sister got sick, but without the above-mentioned component... alas, the flu bug makings its round... Now the parents are back, and hopefully will not catch it, too.
Tonight it seems so quiet in the house -- I miss the ruckus! No Little One asking me for the umpteenth time when will we bake chocolate chip cookies, no pull-ups & bedtime picture books with silly rhymes, and no elaborate forts built from chairs and quilts in the living room...
Part of me can't wait to have grandchildren (Note to Eldest in college: do take your time!) -- but there's plenty of parenting left with the older children, of course. And thank goodness they still like to cuddle with us in the big bed!
Haven't reported since Halloween, because that's when we started a new adventure on parenting: 2 extra kids for 5 days and 5 nights, which doubled the domestic kid count. Our friends over at Mountainpulse took a trip to NYC, getting some well-deserved kid-free time.
The youngest, Little One, is a precocious 4-year old, and the oldest, a beautiful teen, is a year younger than our Wolfman. Wolfman and Little One share a special bond: she was born on his 10th Birthday, which they've always celebrated together!
Things went amazingly smoothly -- these kids have known each other since we moved here eight years ago. They got along very well the whole time, playing, goofing, helping with chores and homework. On Sunday they were all 4 helping unload firewood from the truck, and even Little One worked hard right along with big kids, pulling her sled loaded with a few pieces of wood -- she was so proud of herself!
Election Day was very exciting around here -- the mood was most jubilant! We were listening to results on the radio (we don't do commercial TV), while the younger set stayed glued to results coming in over the internet. By the time Little One had taken her bath and we were ready for bed, McCain had conceded and we listened to Obama's speech on the radio, all piled in our big bed.
During the night, Little One got sick, and (you guessed it) started throwing up... Barfing...Tossing her biscuits... Hurling... Ralphing... Chucking chunder...the only thing unchundered was her favorite stuffed animal, Lambi! (Don't worry, no pictures)
By the next evening her older sister got sick, but without the above-mentioned component... alas, the flu bug makings its round... Now the parents are back, and hopefully will not catch it, too.
Tonight it seems so quiet in the house -- I miss the ruckus! No Little One asking me for the umpteenth time when will we bake chocolate chip cookies, no pull-ups & bedtime picture books with silly rhymes, and no elaborate forts built from chairs and quilts in the living room...
Part of me can't wait to have grandchildren (Note to Eldest in college: do take your time!) -- but there's plenty of parenting left with the older children, of course. And thank goodness they still like to cuddle with us in the big bed!
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